Today Was a Hard Day

"Bye-bye Mommy's house. See you in a few days!" Mommy, member when you used to live at daddy's house?" 

Those were the words I heard as we rushed out the door today on our way to daycare and work. Mondays are my day to drop Hudson off, and then I won't see him again until picking him up late Thursday afternoon.

I was crushed. I felt a deep puncture wound deep within my chest; one that lingered for the remainder of the day. I was on the verge of swelling up with tears at work, and once I got home, I let the flood gates open and had a good, long cry.

I couldn't, for the life of me, get Hudson's words out of my head. Reluctantly, my mind kept repeating them. These words made me feel as though every ounce of life and energy were sucked out of me against my will.

Once I had time to relax and reflect, I was able to sort out what it all meant for me. I wasn't sad for my decision to be a single parent, and I wasn't regretful of the path that I had chosen for my son and family, but I was sad that he remembered what it once was. Memories are so hard for me - painstaking at times. Good, bad, happy, sad, I really do grip onto memories and carry them with me forever. The home that I brought my newborn son home to, the one where we shared memories for the first 2+ years of his life, and I no longer lived there.

I find happiness and solitude in knowing that fresh memories are currently being created in our new home together; just Hudson and Mommy. Our new home and neighbourhood is, and will continue to be, the breeding ground for days and nights that I will remember forever.

Life has a funny way of never letting you forget things that you subconsciously don't ever want to let go of, and I've come to accept this as a beautiful thing.

Embrace memories, both the good and the bad; they're there for a reason.

You'll thank me later,

Sass xo